Utrecht, December 20th 2022
Hello again, this time back in the Utrecht library. It reeks of piss, unfortunately. This writing session is sandwiched between a group run meant to begin in an hour and half, and following a Spanish lesson that concluded twenty two minutes ago. Free writing in the truest sense of the word, obligatory proceed with caution warning.
First a word on the Ipad debacle, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Just the mechanics of the screen and portable keyboard are already a deterrent, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to open google documents on an ipad. Googling got me nowhere, so I had to refer to my phone for some notes and the write the post in an email. But even if I had a regular laptop, these days it is next to impossible to get some peace and quiet, and on the rare chance I am blessed with it, I am overcome with sleep and pass out fully clothed, teeth unbrushed with the lights blazing. It’s not lost on me that in today’s Spanish lesson we learned which past tense we should use when making excuses.
If you’re looking for an in depth analysis of the final, or even some feelings about it, you’ll have to look to the press or ask another friend. It may well be that the long run earlier that morning sapped all my energy, but I felt very little in way of excitement watching the final. Early on, Fatima took her cue and for half an hour got a roll of comparing how boring this game was… to the bowl of fruit, to Milo staring at the wall… you get the gist. While I wasn’t that bored, I certainly wasn’t entertained, even when the game supposedly got good. I even had some money on the line, if there’s anything to up the ante and get some adrenalin going in this here capitalist swine, it would be that, but not even counting the bank notes could conjure some emotion. Maybe it was just one of those days, maybe the cold dark Dutch winter put a hamper on things, maybe, and probably, I just don’t care as much as I used to. But before we pull the plug on this theme, ask me again in a few weeks. How was your experience? I was surprised to read that you gave the semi finals a miss, was it the same for the final? I took a perfunctory photo of Milo watching the game, for the history books.
Just a small observation on the matter, since that was what was supposed to be the meat of this thing. Rejoice! Messi has finally won the world cup to complete his trophy case and cemented his GOAT status. In those seconds that followed, I couldn’t help but think of an expression that I read this past year (google reveals it was from Oscar Wilde): “When the gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers.” Therefore, would it have been better for Messi to have this gap? Would his life be more just, more meaningful? I may have mentioned to you before, also referring to something I thought interesting from a documentary that I watched, the thought that the more appropriate finish to the camino de Santiago would be to see the end from a distance, the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela, but never actually getting there. The narrator in the documentary ponders if that wouldn’t be a more accurate representation of life and a greater lesson, also going on to say that reaching the end is hard. People expect to find an answer to something along the way, oftentimes they don’t, they reach the end, and they don’t know what to do next. I myself have contemplated in some other book reviews, whether problems of such nature are only for the common man, and someone as triumphant as Messi would never encounter such drivel. His ego, endlessly stroked until the grave. Recall our discussion some time ago about suffering, and here I am reinforcing my feelings. I’ll take Messi’s accomplishments any day. Gods if you’re listening, punish me, please, all day, every day.
Some overall thoughts about the whole exercise. As we anticipated, the timing was a little tricky, as I’ve been navigating my new life and identity. I never was really immersed in a match, I had thought I would be furiously taking notes throughout a game to draw some fantastic conclusions and connections later when sitting down to type.
For me, the books we read never factored in here whatsoever. If we do it again, I like your suggestion to have some rules and questions to answer about each read.
And since we’re on the topic, I mentioned before the long book and I’m very much leaning towards your 2666 proposal, if only because according to the goodreads blurb, Bolano was a friggin dishwasher in Spain who wrote at night, and anyone who does that deserves to be read. There’s some disturbing 1 star reviews with a fair share of DNFs (sorry but I had to look at those, for a time investment of this magnitude), but I don’t think they’re enough to deter me. Do you care to add your two cents? Please do, we are talking 100 (?) hours reading time? By the way, I adore David Foster Wallace, I’ve never been so deep in the mind of an addict/depressive/paranoid/deranged/Insert Damn Near Any Psychological Affliction than I have when I read him. I’m not sure, if in my lifetime I will get to Infinite Jest however. Even with a blank schedule, to do it properly, I think you need a year? I read the majority of his work in a DFW Reader Anthology thing, which included several chapters of IJ, and for the time being it is enough. Currently I’m halfway through TRUST, if you haven’t started, maybe you want to give it a miss? Far below my expectations thus far. Anyhow, if you have any reservations about Bolano let me know in the next days, otherwise I’ll ask Santa for a copy.
Now that el mundial is over, what do you intend to do? I would still like to write here, please hold me to those three posts that I talked about in my last letter. I’ll figure out a way to write. I certainly needed this little push the last few weeks. The habit itself still hasn’t stuck, but I think during the last weeks I at least THOUGHT about writing a lot more than usual.
Okay, signing off again to go and change into my running gear. If it is still possible for you, please heed my advice and add some color to the blog with your photos. If anything, you’ve inspired me to blow the dust off my Fujifilm X70, a camera I bought second hand around 6 years ago. In between the work provided Iphone was sufficient, but now looking at the shots I think that was a mistake. Perhaps next post I’ll indulge you with an image or two, but a word of caution, I’m still at the moment shooting on auto.
Jack